Swimming

There were times last year when I was sure that I was drowning.  Every time I tried to take a breath, my lungs filled with water instead of air.  The waves kept getting bigger and bigger, and I kept getting weaker.  At times it seemed as though giving into the force that pushed me down was easier than staying afloat.  I had gotten so very, very tired.  I wasn't quite sure I was strong enough to get through.
But as I continued to tread water, my arms got stronger.  Eventually the waves grew smaller.  I could breathe again, really breathe, and was able to tilt my head up to look at the sky above.  A sky that had started off dark and stormy had golden rays of sunshine peeking through the clouds.  I was finally able to see the hope that had been in front of me all along.
I know that with my current station in life, the waves will never completely disappear.  I've decided that there is no point in praying that they will.  Life will simply never be easy for me.  Not with all that I am responsible for.  But what I can do is pray that when the storms come, they don't last very long.  And that God gives me the strength to swim instead of drown.  That He help me keep my head above water.  And hopefully, send me exactly what I need when I need it.
There is truly no way that I can get through this alone.  Although there are many moments in which I still feel completely alone, I am gently reminded that God is with me.  Holding me.  Crying with me.  When my heart breaks, He feels it.  More than anyone else, God knows my pain.  As my storms have evolved, from one issue to the next, He understands and wants to help me through them.
The next time I say that I can't (just last night, as a matter of fact), I am reminded that I can.  The only choice I have left is to try and carry the heavy burden on my shoulders, as though it is mine to bear, or share it with one who wants to lighten it.  Who not only wants me to tread water, but to swim from one side of the ocean to the next.
If I can only get through this current storm, I think I see sunshine trying to break through the clouds...

It's Official

So I've been feeling a tad bit overwhelmed lately.  I mean seriously.  When the boys make a bona fide mountain out of their dirty clothes, and laugh as it gets higher and higher, I start to feel as though I'm running a bit behind.
Tonight I came home with the strict intention of doing laundry.  That was the plan.  Wash, fold, put away.  But life, as usual, never goes as planned.  I DID manage to get a load from the washer ito the dryer.  But that was pretty much it.
However, after dinner, I made something pretty cool.  I'm officially addicted to Pinterest.  No, I have no time in which to do the awesome ideas and inspirations.  But at least I can say I pinned them.  And every once in a while, I might have time to use that pin.

The littles needed a bath, so we made shaving cream paint.  I wasn't sure how it was going to go, but the kids loved it.

No, I didn't get a lot done.  My list keeps getting longer every day.  I managed to get dinner on the table, clean up, give baths, help Hunter with his homework, and Gwen with her missing sock.  Probably buried under that mountain of laundry.
Most of today was not a good day.  But I know that years from now, I won't remember the sadness and the pain.  The overwhelming sense of drowning.
Instead, I'll remember shaving cream paint and the laughter of small children as they make designs on the bathtub wall. 
Maybe I'll find more time for Pinterest and photographs to record the memories, after all.  Laughter does tend to wash away the sadness.

Moving On

Although we are in the middle of winter, our household has been filled with sunshine.
Spontaneous dances in the kitchen, omellettes loaded with cheese and yogurt with sprinkles.
Laughter over silly jokes.
Paper airplanes flying down the stairs, some working, some not.
A tent in the living room for sleeping, using every single blanket in the house.
Sliding across the ice on sleds, since the snow has avoided us so far this year.
We have been having a great month.  Yes, there have been plenty of difficult moments and tough days.  Tears over things not going the way they should.  Most of them mine ;)
But my faith has grown, and my belief in a future greater than I can imagine, is now a certainty in my head.  God has a plan for us, for our life, and He is busy working on making that plan a reality.  All I had to do was give everything over to Him.  And believe.

I dragged out my camera today, and captured the very essence of my kids.  I love them.  They love me.  And right now, we're all loving life...

Springtime

We live on a farm.
And in the springtime, on a farm where horses graze in the front yard and four little children run outside to play, sometimes in the freshly tilled yard, we also have mud.









And there are two little boys with huge imaginations. They can make boats out of styrafoam. Sticks and red plastic make for great sails. A little lego man takes a ride through the mud puddle.







Gwen decided not to immerse herself in mud. She did, however, give me one of her beautiful smiles.



We have spent time at the ballpark (about to be WAY too much time)











And I looked up one day to realize that my "baby" boy, isn't so much a baby any more. He'll be nine this summer, something I still can't believe. Seems like it was just yesterday that he was a little tyke.



And Miss Callie, well, what can I say. She's almost 23 months, going on ten. She does, after all, have three older siblings.



Notice the rock in her left hand? She kept picking them up and trying to eat them. Called them 'm and m's'.

Today was opening day at the ballfields, which mean pictures, wind, rain, mud, and four small children. Then we had a gymnastics meet. After nine hours of activities and freezing cold wind, I'm beat. The military picked this weekend to send Kevin away for drill.

Maybe tomorrow we'll see some flowers and sun . . .

End of March

For the blog, I've been slacking. But in my real life I've been busier than ever, while my head is spinning with thousands of ideas/inspirations.
I want to homeschool my kids.
I want to build a porch rail.
I want to paint my kitchen cabinets. Wait, I want NEW cabinets. Bisque color, with dark counters.
I want a bigger kitchen window.
My garden needs tilled.
I want to take the kids roller skating.
I need to find my softball glove so I can practice with Gwen.
And that is just the tip of the iceburg.
But that's okay, I have three days coming up in which to start tackling a few of my projects (including finally building my laundry basket dresser), close on our refinance loan, take the kids roller skating, plant some climbing roses, and start a new photo book.
It's going to be a fun, but very busy, weekend :)

One quick photo, with ALL FOUR IN IT!!

Two Weeks In Photos

To try and describe the last two weeks would take an eternity. So I'm just going to sum them up in a handful of photos, that don't nearly do it justice but include the things that I would like to remember.

There were the hours and hours put into getting our master bathroom finished to a point that we could get a re-finance loan. Although it's not quite done (hence, no before/after pics yet), the kids donned their swimsuits and took a bath in purple water. They were pretty thrilled.



There was weather warm enough for hulu hooping



And bubbles



Friendly inch worms



Dancing in the bubbles



Getting up early for work/school, and pigtails that never stay in






Homemade strawberry/cheese danishes



A much needed trip to the Children's museum with dinosaurs, mirrors, Egypt, Dora and Diego, and so many other activities that I can't begin to describe. Since we got a family membership (with military discount!) we'll be headed back several more times this year.

(Look how many times Callie is in this photo!)






Waiting for rock wall tickets



Getting excited



Making it to the top!! A real rock wall, I'm not sure I could have made it up :) It was much higher than my camera makes it seem.





Visiting Egypt





Callie getting tired in Dora/Diego land



The awesome dinosaurs



Lex letting us know that he was done for the day



I was done for the day as well. For the week. The past two weeks have been so incredibly busy and stressful, including everything from a car wreck (Kevin, thankfully he's okay but his truck is not), to the threat of losing a program I've worked on for years.

I'm watching a thunderstorm outside right now, hoping and praying that the coming week is free of stress and filled with a lot of fun. We all need a break :)