The Trip

 

 

Last night I took my kids to the grocery store to get toilet paper. We were down to the last roll and I figured that buying some food would also be helpful. The kids were getting tired of eating things I could throw together from the pantry.

Which at this point would mean something dipped in ranch, ketchup, or mustard. And that something would be French fries. Or animal crackers. Although Callie’s eyes lit up when I mentioned 'dinner' the rest of the kids made a face only a mother would ever love.

So I packed them up and away we went.

On the way I had to tell Hunter a bazillion times (a mom of four knows that is a REAL number and how big it really is) no he couldn’t eat a sucker. The last time he had a sucker before the grocery store he started hiding in the stacks of toilet paper. He pouted, but the sucker stayed in the car.

Our first stop was the pharmacy counter, because I was low on insulin needles for the diabetic dog. After telling the kids ‘no you can’t shove your foot into the blood pressure cuff machine’ and ‘no, we don’t need THOSE kinds of pills’ and ‘I’ll explain what that is when you’re older’ and dragging hunter back from trying to check out the transformers we made it to the counter.

The lady drug out the big box of suckers and set them on the counter. ‘Here you go kids!’

Callie at this point was climbing on the cart, trying her best to tip it over. Lex was laying on the bottom of the cart and Gwen was being a quiet little angel. But when the sucker box came out, the kids turned into stampeding buffalos. So much for the fruit snacks I gave them to eat while at the store. One of which Hunter picked up off the floor to eat because of the ‘five second rule’. And so much for the ‘no sucker’ rule. The lady behind the counter just grinned at me. Real funny lady.

For a while they were pacified and first stop over, we made our way to the back of the store. By this time Lex was again laying in the bottom of the cart and I was stacking things on top of him. He sandwiched himself between two pillows and glared at me, but refused to move.

The last time we went to the store I wound up with about fifteen things I didn’t need. This trip I figured out who was the culprit when I turned around and saw Callie strategically hiding cookies between the pretzels and the yogurt. When I caught her, she immediately threw the cookies out of the cart and on the floor. Then walked away, as if I didn’t really see anything at all.

And she's only three.  I think I'm in trouble.

Hunter and Gwen were doing okay, besides for ooohing and ahhhing at the clever marketing techniques used in the Halloween Yogurt packs and asking for something about every 2.35 seconds. I decided to record myself on my phone saying ‘No’ and play it over and over. They weren’t fooled in the least.

I've recorded 'what' in response to them saying 'mom' a double bazillion times a day.  That doesn't work either.

But the kids were starting to get loud at this point, and when I found Hunter sitting on the shredded cheese I knew we had to move a little faster. And when Gwen and Hunter started giving Callie piggyback rides and then setting her in various displays and giggling, I knew we were in trouble.

We were getting stares, which I’m used to, but would rather do without. Yes, they are from the same parents. NO, they don’t really look alike. But there is no question I am their mom, trust me on that one.

We finally made it to the toilet paper. I picked some out and set it on Lex in the cart. He was really starting to get annoyed with me, but again, wouldn’t get out of the cart or even sit up. He was very comfortable hidden among stacks of cheese and biscuits and sour cream. Though he complained the milk was a bit cold.

I lost sight of Hunter, and when I turned around, he was hiding in the stacks of toilet paper. Darn those suckers.

Gwen grabbed a feather duster and started dusting Callie.

It was about time to go.

We finished our shopping in somewhat record time, although I wound up with various crackers and candy I did not put in the cart. When I looked at Callie, she acted innocent and wide-eyed. I was actually looking for it, and was unsure how all of that got into the cart in the first place. We had no need for three extra large bags of m and m’s. Or the chocolate frosted flakes. Yuck.

As I started loading bags in the cart Lex finally decided to get out. Other than a few lines from laying in the cart and having groceries on top of him, he looked none the worse for wear. We trekked through the pouring rain to the car, attempted to load the too full trunk the kids conveniently ‘forgot’ to empty, and made our way home.

After starting dinner and unloading the groceries I was feeling a lot better.

Another trip averted without major disaster.

Yes, the trip took about 1.5 hours and cost me $150, and we originally went for toilet paper, but still.  At least we had some chicken to dunk in Ranch dressing now.

Hunter still on a sucker high, now sword fighting with Lex, suddenly looked up and said ‘Where is the toilet paper mom?’

My heart stopped and I said 'No.  Really?'

Lex was grinning guiltily because apparantly at some point he got up and threw the toilet paper out of the cart.  It was 'squishing' him.  But somehow the large boxes of cereal and bag of apples were not?

A $150 trip for toilet paper, and we forgot the toilet paper.

Lex gets the newspaper for his next trip to the bathroom.