Swimming

There were times last year when I was sure that I was drowning.  Every time I tried to take a breath, my lungs filled with water instead of air.  The waves kept getting bigger and bigger, and I kept getting weaker.  At times it seemed as though giving into the force that pushed me down was easier than staying afloat.  I had gotten so very, very tired.  I wasn't quite sure I was strong enough to get through.
But as I continued to tread water, my arms got stronger.  Eventually the waves grew smaller.  I could breathe again, really breathe, and was able to tilt my head up to look at the sky above.  A sky that had started off dark and stormy had golden rays of sunshine peeking through the clouds.  I was finally able to see the hope that had been in front of me all along.
I know that with my current station in life, the waves will never completely disappear.  I've decided that there is no point in praying that they will.  Life will simply never be easy for me.  Not with all that I am responsible for.  But what I can do is pray that when the storms come, they don't last very long.  And that God gives me the strength to swim instead of drown.  That He help me keep my head above water.  And hopefully, send me exactly what I need when I need it.
There is truly no way that I can get through this alone.  Although there are many moments in which I still feel completely alone, I am gently reminded that God is with me.  Holding me.  Crying with me.  When my heart breaks, He feels it.  More than anyone else, God knows my pain.  As my storms have evolved, from one issue to the next, He understands and wants to help me through them.
The next time I say that I can't (just last night, as a matter of fact), I am reminded that I can.  The only choice I have left is to try and carry the heavy burden on my shoulders, as though it is mine to bear, or share it with one who wants to lighten it.  Who not only wants me to tread water, but to swim from one side of the ocean to the next.
If I can only get through this current storm, I think I see sunshine trying to break through the clouds...

It's Official

So I've been feeling a tad bit overwhelmed lately.  I mean seriously.  When the boys make a bona fide mountain out of their dirty clothes, and laugh as it gets higher and higher, I start to feel as though I'm running a bit behind.
Tonight I came home with the strict intention of doing laundry.  That was the plan.  Wash, fold, put away.  But life, as usual, never goes as planned.  I DID manage to get a load from the washer ito the dryer.  But that was pretty much it.
However, after dinner, I made something pretty cool.  I'm officially addicted to Pinterest.  No, I have no time in which to do the awesome ideas and inspirations.  But at least I can say I pinned them.  And every once in a while, I might have time to use that pin.

The littles needed a bath, so we made shaving cream paint.  I wasn't sure how it was going to go, but the kids loved it.

No, I didn't get a lot done.  My list keeps getting longer every day.  I managed to get dinner on the table, clean up, give baths, help Hunter with his homework, and Gwen with her missing sock.  Probably buried under that mountain of laundry.
Most of today was not a good day.  But I know that years from now, I won't remember the sadness and the pain.  The overwhelming sense of drowning.
Instead, I'll remember shaving cream paint and the laughter of small children as they make designs on the bathtub wall. 
Maybe I'll find more time for Pinterest and photographs to record the memories, after all.  Laughter does tend to wash away the sadness.