Swimming

There were times last year when I was sure that I was drowning.  Every time I tried to take a breath, my lungs filled with water instead of air.  The waves kept getting bigger and bigger, and I kept getting weaker.  At times it seemed as though giving into the force that pushed me down was easier than staying afloat.  I had gotten so very, very tired.  I wasn't quite sure I was strong enough to get through.
But as I continued to tread water, my arms got stronger.  Eventually the waves grew smaller.  I could breathe again, really breathe, and was able to tilt my head up to look at the sky above.  A sky that had started off dark and stormy had golden rays of sunshine peeking through the clouds.  I was finally able to see the hope that had been in front of me all along.
I know that with my current station in life, the waves will never completely disappear.  I've decided that there is no point in praying that they will.  Life will simply never be easy for me.  Not with all that I am responsible for.  But what I can do is pray that when the storms come, they don't last very long.  And that God gives me the strength to swim instead of drown.  That He help me keep my head above water.  And hopefully, send me exactly what I need when I need it.
There is truly no way that I can get through this alone.  Although there are many moments in which I still feel completely alone, I am gently reminded that God is with me.  Holding me.  Crying with me.  When my heart breaks, He feels it.  More than anyone else, God knows my pain.  As my storms have evolved, from one issue to the next, He understands and wants to help me through them.
The next time I say that I can't (just last night, as a matter of fact), I am reminded that I can.  The only choice I have left is to try and carry the heavy burden on my shoulders, as though it is mine to bear, or share it with one who wants to lighten it.  Who not only wants me to tread water, but to swim from one side of the ocean to the next.
If I can only get through this current storm, I think I see sunshine trying to break through the clouds...