Well....

It took a while, but I finally get it.  I'm somewhat stubborn (yes, I did just admit that), and it takes a while for me to get the point that someone is trying to make.
I heard it all the right things being said, over and over again.
But still I fought and disagreed and complained, and when the world was turning upside down, I would still manage to dig a hole and hide in it for a while.
And what was the end result?  That I felt horrible.  Alone.  Scared.  Unsure if life would ever be on the right road again.
In the last couple of weeks, I have finally listened to what was being said to me. 

Romans 12:2

New International Version (NIV)

² Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is —his good, pleasing and perfect will.

I finally understood that I had to change my thinking.  The negative thoughts about life were dragging me down and stealing my peace.  They were disrupting my future plan, my life, and the joy in the very act of living.

Yes, things have been hard in all aspects of my life.  But who hasn't experienced trouble?  Who hasn't had a mountain to climb, a river to cross, a storm to weather?

Just because there were obstacles everywhere I looked did not mean that God was placing them there.  He wasn't making my life harder, more difficult.  It's just the way things are right now.  And when I finally understood that being upset by these obstacles was not helping me, but hindering me, I was able to find a way to overcome them.  Instead of staring at them and saying 'Why me?  Why now?  what in the world am I going to do?  Where is the justice in all of this?' I decided to pray, and ask God for peace.  Direction.  An ability to make my way through this storm that hasn't quite ended.  And to trust that God does indeed have a plan, and eventually He will unfold it.

And in the meantime, why not enjoy this world He has given us?

I try and count my blessings.  There are a lot of them.  I have a beautiful home, a car to get us where we need to be, a job to pay the bills.  And four absolutely gorgeous children.  I would not trade anything in this world for those kids.  They are God's greatest gift to me.  Even on days when I want to run away and hide (still fighting that feeling, it's a strong one to overcome), I thank God for giving them to me. 

Yes, life is hard.  And will continue to be so.

But I also believe that God is good, and He will bless me, and show me a clear direction and plan in my life.  Eventually.  Yes, the waiting is hard.  But that's what Faith is all about.  Believing, even when you're still in the midst of the hurricane, that the sun will shine again.  And one day, the waters will be smooth and calm.

I'm on the right path, and the peace that I find here, it the best thing I have found in quite a while.