Powered by Blogger.

Search This Blog

Welcome to the hectic years

Hi, I'm Mindi.


And this is our Hectic Life.


Thursday, June 13, 2013

Peace

There was a time in my life that I wasn’t sure I was going to make it. 
The pain was too much, too suffocating, too real.  There were so many days that it was a struggle simply to breathe.
During those dark times I would fall on my knees and cry out to God for help, but my prayers were usually a wordless utterance of Please, because I didn’t know what else to say.  There was so much going wrong in my life I didn’t know how to start asking for God to make things right.  At one point it became painfully clear that one particular prayer that I had prayed repeatedly, over and over again, was simply not going to come true.  I was devastated and could not see my future anymore.  It was a shroud of nothingness spread out before me.
I remember several times saying “I can’t do this anymore.  I just can’t.”
I had snapped into pieces, like a tree with its tip bending too far towards the ground that finally splintered in the storm, there was nothing left to support me.  I had been hurt and broken, and even if I healed it would be unevenly and painfully.  A fractured bone that wasn't set; there was no way I would ever be the same again. 
But time has a habit of continuing on, no matter what happens in your life. 
Even though during the worst of times, when every second felt like an hour, those seconds ticked on by until the days started to get easier.  Then the weeks, followed by the months.  It’s true that time can heal the deepest of wounds.  But only if you want it to.
Along the way there were times that  would think ‘I’m okay now, I’m healed.  I can move on.’
Usually, that wasn’t really true.  My journey has been like climbing a mountain.  No matter how many times I thought I was at the top, I really wasn’t.  Something would happen to remind me that inside I was still broken, there was still a fissure where my heart was supposed to be.  And I would feel my fingers slipping, losing their grip on life.  Again, I would feel that brokenness inside of  me, and I would try again to piece it all back together.
But time has continued to pass by, and I can finally look back and see how far I have really come.  Every time I slipped, God threw me a rope.  Without Him, I would still be at the bottom of that mountain.
I have finally been granted a request I started praying for long ago, when I understood my first request was never going to happen.
I stopped praying for anything specific, and simply started praying for peace.  Peace to accept my life as it is.  Peace to accept the fact that bad things happen to good people, and no amount of crying or wailing or feeling bitter about it, would ever change that fact.
As the saying goes ‘it is what it is’ – and that is true.  There is much of my life I can’t change, and I’ve finally been granted the peace to accept that fact.  And in gaining that peace, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.  I’ve finally stopped trying to take the blame for everything that happens, for the issues we face in our life. 
It is what it is.
I’ve tried to change things that I am able to.
And for the things that I can’t change, I am learning to pray, and then let go.  Beyond that there is nothing else I can do.  Why waste time worrying about what could happen, if it hasn’t happened yet?  Why waste time wishing for things that I could have, instead of enjoying what I do have?
In a way it feels like we’re on a vacation.
It’s summer, and we’re in our new house.  I come home from work and we go for a walk or a run on the trail, the dog wagging his tail along with us.  Not everyone is happy, at least one of the kids is tired and grumpy, but we make do.  Yesterday I showed them how to get honey out of honeysuckle.  Then we took advantage of the Endless Summer Nights to go swimming at Splash Island, which is just down the road.  The kids love having a neighborhood, for them it is a treat to take off down the sidewalks on roller blades or scooters.  And after being in a cramped apartment for almost 2 months, having room to spread out is a vacation in itself.
We’re finally at a point where we can rest.
The house is sold, we’re out of the apartment, it’s summertime, and life is good.
Life isn’t easy, raising four kids on your own is never easy, but that’s okay.  It’s easier than it used to be.  One of these days we’ll even figure out how to go grocery shopping without appearing like a circus act to those around us.
But never mind that.
Things have fallen into place, or more importantly, the way that I view life has fallen into place.
I’m happy.
Our life is what it is, and we are going to make the most of what we have been given.  I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, or take away, but that shouldn’t ruin what we have right now.
Peace is one of the greatest things I have had in a very long time.
Life truly is what you make of it.
And I intend to live it and enjoy it for all it's worth.
 








 

4 comments:

Anonymous June 14, 2013 at 7:11 AM  

Mindi, beautiful post. I know you have struggled, so happy you are happy. I need peace as well. I just seem to pray for help, and some comes from somewhere. Blessings and love to you all! Dena

Nancy Fisher June 14, 2013 at 9:56 AM  

Thank you for sharing your story. Life sure isn't easy but with God all things are possible! We use the term "it is what it is" frequently around my house. My husband is unemployed. Again. It is what it is. God has provided all along and he won't stop now. I still have my job and for that I am thankful. Both our teens have summer jobs and for that I am thankful. Enjoy your summer in your new home with your precious kids. You are an excellent mom! God bless you!

Anonymous June 15, 2013 at 3:14 PM  

Unquestionably believe that which you said.

Your favorite justification appeared to be on
the net the simplest thing to be aware of. I say to you,
I definitely get annoyed while people think about
worries that they just don't know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top and also defined out the whole thing without having side-effects , people can take a signal. Will likely be back to get more. Thanks

my website :: bet angel

mindi June 16, 2013 at 7:03 PM  

Dena, I'm still praying for you and hope that things look up for you soon!
Nancy, I'm so sorry that your husband is unemployed again, but you seem to be a great Christian family with wonderful values and beliefs. I strive to be that way one day with my kids. I'm praying for you and your family and I hope that a job opens up soon!!


View My Stats

  © Free Blogger Templates 'Photoblog II' by Ourblogtemplates.com 2008

Back to TOP