The New Year

There is a whisper in the back of my mind that I simply can’t ignore. Sometimes I can shove it away, bury it beneath the layers of laundry and dishes and little boy’s socks that I find in the oddest of places. I can go weeks without hearing the voice, the prodding insistent tone that causes me to feel impatient and agitated. But it always comes back, and when it does, it causes me to think beyond myself and my family. Beyond the daily routine of diapers and sippy cups, scattered toys and school papers.



This time the trigger was a book, ‘My sister’s keeper’, a book that I had never heard about or read. I got it through paperbackswap.com – and once I started reading it I simply couldn’t stop. It drew me in and had me thinking about something other than depleting hay piles and refinance loans. It had me thinking about the true meaning of life, of my life. About making a difference in the lives of others.

Ever since that day I've been hearing the voice. The voice that tells me I have a purpose in this crazy world, that God created me for something meaningful. I just have to go out on a limb and find out what that is.

There are those who would scorn these words, and say, ‘Are you not fulfilled with what you have? Are your children not enough? Is making a difference in the lives of your children not a worthy accomplishment?’

Without a doubt my kids are my best accomplishment. Raising them to be God-fearing Christian adults is a job that I take very seriously. I’m reading books on parenting that have changed my views on a lot of issues. I’m becoming a better mom, a slow process because change is not always easy. At the same time I strive to be a better wife.

But still, there is that voice that tells me to look outside of the coupons and grocery lists. Outside of floor polish and craft projects. Look outside to the world that God created, to the people who may or may not know God’s love, and find what it is that I can do to make a difference.



Believe me, if I could tell the voice to go away, I would. I have more tasks than time in a day. I have four small children, a job that helps pay the bills, a farm to run, and animals to care for. Adding one more thing to that list might just cause my house of blocks to come tumbling down.



But still, the voice is insistent. It is there, even when I don’t want it to be. I used to complain that I never heard God speak to me, never once, even when I would listen as hard as I could and wait weeks for an answer.

Now, I’m beginning to wonder if this voice might be coming from Him. I’m not sure – I don’t know if God actually talks to us. But I like to think that He does, and if that is the case, He might very well be trying to tell me something.

Something I’ve pushed to the back of my mind more times than I can count.

So, while others have made New Year’s resolutions to lose weight or eat healthier, to get that new haircut or finally take an exotic vacation, my resolution is a bit simpler. Yet at the same time, more complex.

I’m going to listen to the voice.

After that?
Well,there is no way of knowing what will happen next.